So, 2008 was a fairly remarkable year for console gaming.  The closure to the Metal Gear Solid saga managed to appease fanchildren everywhere, Bethesda breathed new life into the abandoned Fallout series (much to the chagrin of certain internet denizens), Gears of War managed to see a blockbuster follow-up to the notable original, Dead Spare surprised many with it’s lack of innovation but quality of gameplay, while Mirrors Edge managed to prove to gamers that you don’t need guns to have an immersive first person experience (though, I personally would’ve much preferred if you couldn’t even grab ahold of the damn things).

How is 2009 shaping up, though?  From where things are standing now, you have a reason to feel very, very optimistic.  Just in the early days of February, there’s more than enough to be excited about for many, many walks of gamers.

Immediately, I’m glad to see so much attention getting poured into the DS.  My onyx lite has become a dust-collector, save for the few Pokemon trading moments, since I picked up a PSP.  As much as I love Contra 4, seeing the Darkstalkers sprites of old brought back to life (especially considering most Darkstalkers compilations haven’t seen ports to America) is much more gratifying.  There are quite a few DS titles that are unavoidable, however.

Immediately, Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor has been confirmed for a port only recently.  While, it drops the easily identifiable artistic direction of most SMT titles, the general theme remains: demons and angels have descended upon Tokyo, and using strategic RPG gameplay, you will be playing whichever side aids you the most in battle as you negotiate various monsters and demons to join your cause and fight for whatever you choose: destruction or salvation.

Since we’re on the topic of Atlus franchises, the company is definitely doing the DS a service by porting several Japanese titles, one of which comes from a series that is venerated, but only having seen two previous ports to the States.  The Super Robot Wars franchise has gained a solid following in America (mostly due to very unethical reasons, but) due to the strong ties to prominent mecha anime.  Gundam, Macross and Godanner all have seen mecha designs showing up in this very unique and true-to-mecha-anime form series.  Unfortunately do to licensing rights, it would be nearly impossible to secure any of these titles for translation and localization.  However, Original Generation titles of SRW contain (mostly) original characters.  The two titles for the Gameboy Advance became cult-hits, while Super Robot Wars Original Generations: Endless Frontier manages to break several norms of the series.  Feeling closer to Namco x Capcom than a basic strategy RPG, the game has an amazingly straight-forward fighting system that borrows slightly from 2D fighters.  You juggle your enemies in mid-air with timed combos in order to build up a force gauge which can be used to execute incredibly flashy and… jiggly specialty attacks.  Techniques such as canceling and shifting players in a combat phase fill this gauge faster.  As you can tell from the box-art, the game features very… burlesque characters, which all adds to the tongue-and-cheek humor present throughout the title.  You’ll notice the broad with the burgeoning bosoms to the lower right-hand side, who is constantly referred to as a “Milk Cow Princess” almost through the entirety of the game.  There is no shortage of fanfare though, as KOS-MOS, T-ELOS, and various characters from previous titles make cameos rather frequently in this game.

The second DS title Atlus are bringing us is a very hard to categorize game.  I want to say that it’s a strategy RPG, but I’m not confident enough to say that.  So, I’ll let a gameplay video do the talking. It comes off as an amazingly strange, but gorgeous title.

And finally, the last title that’s looking better by the day is “World Destruction.”  What makes this title stand out immediately is the premise.  The world is enslaved by furries, and as good samaritan humans, your job is to make sure you end the world to free it from their fuzzy paws.  Sound good to you too?  Beyond that, the team behind the much-underrated Xenogears are spearheading this title, even composer Yasunori Mitsuda.  Still proving that Sega have a few cards up their sleeves when it comes to RPGs.

Also, do I even need to mention Pokemon Platinum?

Sweetheart,
Go back to the vault. This isn’t the world for you. People die around here and you’re obviously not clever enough to get around situations without blowing someone’s head off. I was sorry to hear about Simm’s though. If you hadn’t flown off the handle, poor kid might still have a Daddy. Burke’s an easy man to play. It was a few weeks after the Simm’s incident that I saw him sniffing around Megaton, looking for another sucker to do his dirty work. Instead of pissing it down my leg, I played it cool and coy. I told him that if he blew up the town, it would take lil’ ol’ me with it and that was would be terrible thing for both of us. Batted the baby blues, showed a little leg and Burke was putty in my hands. He’s gone thanks to me and no one else got killed because of it. A few love letters aside, no one’s seen anything of Burke since.

Moira’s playing you for a chump. I hope you know that. I can appreciate science as much as the next gal, but the woman is off her rocker. She’s trying to get you killed. She did the exact same thing to me when I first showed up. I humored her with a bunch of cock and bull stories about the Wastes. I’ve got my own copy “Surviving the Wasteland” dedicated to yours truly if you don’t believe me.

Whores are still people. By the sounds of it, you’re not any better than Burke. Not everyone has a special place outside of the vault. There’s no G.O.A.T out here to tell you what to do. You can’t just go around killing prostitutes because you aren’t clever enough to find a job. For crying out loud, Tiger, Moriarty keeps everything anyone wants to know on that terminal in his back office, you know.

I’m serious, slick. Either straighten up or go crawling back to the Overseer. This place is going to eat you alive and spit you out. There are worse things and people than strung out whore in the Wastes. Just a fair warning.

I’ll be around Rivet City in the next few weeks. Look me up if you’re still alive.

Kisses,
Claudia.

Hello?  Moira told me a woman from the Vault came through, and I know this letter is a shot in the dark, but I hope you get this.  I had to leave, and in the first day out here my eyes have been dried and burned, and I’m not sure what I’m doing.  The freedom seemed enchanting, nevermind the destruction I faced when I stepped outside of the steel coffin I’d known as home for years.  Now, I’m just not sure.

I found this shit-hole called Megaton and met a man named Burke who tried to have the entire town wiped clean, and I ratted the sick fuck out.  Not because I care anything about these poor bastards, but because I just don’t care enough to put them under my boot.  Those folks at the Children of the Atom and … Simms’ kid losing his father, I just don’t get it.  It feels like a journey just having gotten this far.  Like.. I’ve got some vicarious controller pushing me forward to find my dad.  I got a house here and things feel strangely stable, Moira’s got me doing these odd tasks for her where I’ve broken more bones in the past few days than I have.  One thing she failed to ask me about her survival guide is the moral grey that’s contrasted by the bloom here in the Wastes.  If you’re reading this, I hope you know what I mean.

I killed someone.  It was some woman living in a house who said she escaped from Moriarty.  I told her I didn’t know the guy, but I lied.  I tried acting like I knew my way around the Wastes and he caught me in my lie, said that he needed 300 more caps for my father.  I had no money, nothing to sell but the clothes on my back… so I shot her.  Her head detached from her body as it fell lifeless to the ground, and I didn’t wait a second before looting everything I could from her place.  I felt bad, but… she was just some whore.  Some whore who spent her time running from her pimp and living off Psycho and Med-X, the world won’t miss her and what I’m doing is important.  Then, I get here to Megaton and I save everything.  I don’t understand it.  Please, please tell me you’re reading this?

-Deniz

You don’t need to tap your heels, so don’t worry about it.  Though, I should probably clarify: I’m not talking about house.  No, I’m not talking about “where I hang my coat” or anything remotely philosophical such as that.  I’m talking about PSN’s premature crotch droppling, the Home application.

Don’t let the comparisons and taglines fool you about it.  If you have a Playstation 3, there can only be a handful of reasons for anyone utilizing this shit software, and none of them are benevolent.  Of course, you might be fooled the second you step foot into the Home universe that it’s much like Second Life or the Sims.  Admittedly, it’s easy to get confused because they both suffer from the creepiest defect of a social sim: everyone is perfect.  There are no fat people, no ugly people; it’s as if the human element has been ethnically cleansed from these games, making them feel immediately sterile and requiring the player to go out on a limb to connect with.

Now, this might sound particularly odd, but I’ve been playing a lot of Home recently.  While, my excuse might sound strange, I’ve had some of the most fun ever had with a program of this type griefing people.  Underneath my belt, I’ve caused two separate couples to begin fighting, had my fat black man or emo Hitler banned from Home many different times.  It’s almost criminally easy the ways you can abuse things in Home.

Some of my favorites include making a arabic or east african avatar and heading over to the Red Bull air race area.  Ask people to point you in the way of the twin towers (WTC as it’s been affectionately dubbed).  Of course, communication is essential to your Home life as well.

Walk up to a sufficient avatar and engage them in polite conversation.

“You jealous?”

“Of what?”

“ME BEING THE KING OF DANCE, BITCH.”

Then do the Running Man dance right in front of them until the end of time.

Why is this guaranteed humor?  I have a friend who has an expression he uses literally whatever chance he gets, and while it’s an annoying line, it’s very true in the case of Home: “Console games are for people too stupid to figure out how to run them on a PC.”  Second Life isn’t exactly impervious to trolling, but the community on Home is so fragile that the urge to shatter it is almost unrefusable. Doing so is often incredibly rewarding, as well.  It’s not uncommon for people to settle their score with you on “COD4 1 ON 1 CAGE MATCH FAGOT”.

In other words, don’t settle for mediocre entertainment when you could be reeling in laughs by the passing running man.  Don’t expect much more out of the incredibly awkward community that is Home, however.