You don’t need to tap your heels, so don’t worry about it.  Though, I should probably clarify: I’m not talking about house.  No, I’m not talking about “where I hang my coat” or anything remotely philosophical such as that.  I’m talking about PSN’s premature crotch droppling, the Home application.

Don’t let the comparisons and taglines fool you about it.  If you have a Playstation 3, there can only be a handful of reasons for anyone utilizing this shit software, and none of them are benevolent.  Of course, you might be fooled the second you step foot into the Home universe that it’s much like Second Life or the Sims.  Admittedly, it’s easy to get confused because they both suffer from the creepiest defect of a social sim: everyone is perfect.  There are no fat people, no ugly people; it’s as if the human element has been ethnically cleansed from these games, making them feel immediately sterile and requiring the player to go out on a limb to connect with.

Now, this might sound particularly odd, but I’ve been playing a lot of Home recently.  While, my excuse might sound strange, I’ve had some of the most fun ever had with a program of this type griefing people.  Underneath my belt, I’ve caused two separate couples to begin fighting, had my fat black man or emo Hitler banned from Home many different times.  It’s almost criminally easy the ways you can abuse things in Home.

Some of my favorites include making a arabic or east african avatar and heading over to the Red Bull air race area.  Ask people to point you in the way of the twin towers (WTC as it’s been affectionately dubbed).  Of course, communication is essential to your Home life as well.

Walk up to a sufficient avatar and engage them in polite conversation.

“You jealous?”

“Of what?”

“ME BEING THE KING OF DANCE, BITCH.”

Then do the Running Man dance right in front of them until the end of time.

Why is this guaranteed humor?  I have a friend who has an expression he uses literally whatever chance he gets, and while it’s an annoying line, it’s very true in the case of Home: “Console games are for people too stupid to figure out how to run them on a PC.”  Second Life isn’t exactly impervious to trolling, but the community on Home is so fragile that the urge to shatter it is almost unrefusable. Doing so is often incredibly rewarding, as well.  It’s not uncommon for people to settle their score with you on “COD4 1 ON 1 CAGE MATCH FAGOT”.

In other words, don’t settle for mediocre entertainment when you could be reeling in laughs by the passing running man.  Don’t expect much more out of the incredibly awkward community that is Home, however.